Sun. Jan 16th, 2022

As Shrek once eloquently stated, “Onions have layers. Ogres have layers. Onions have layers. You get it? We both have layers.”

Similar to ogres, onions are an underappreciated constant in our lives.

However, it wasn’t always this way.

At one point in history, the tear-inducing vegetables were actually revered.

Egyptians worshipped onions, believing the edible bulbs symbolized eternity. According to Brent Furdyk’s article “11 Cool and Fascinating Facts About Onions,” Egyptians placed onions in the tombs of deceased Pharaohs – during both the Old Kingdom and the New Kingdom – to ensure happiness in the afterlife.

The National Onion Association’s website states that archaeologists discovered onions nestled in the eye sockets of King Ramses IV’s mummy.

The National Onion Association also states archaeologists have discovered paintings of onions on the walls of Egyptian pyramids.

In the Middle Ages, onions were an accepted and valuable form of currency. Imagine paying for your student tuition with hundreds of onions!

Kumaun University’s Dr. Indhu Mehta credits pilgrims with bringing onions to the Americas via the Mayflower.

Furdyk stated humans have been consuming onions dating back seven thousand years.

That’s longer than I have been alive!

Respect your elders, pick up an onion and eat it.

Shrek: Ogres are like onions.
Donkey: They stink?
Shrek: Yes. No.
Donkey: Oh, they make you cry.
Shrek: No.
Donkey: Oh, you leave em out in the sun, they
get all brown, start sproutin’ little white hairs.
Shrek: No. Layers. Onions have layers. Ogres have layers. Onions have layers
You get it? We both have layers.
Donkey: Oh, you both have layers. Oh. You know, not everybody like onions.

This article is a part of The Quak, our annual April Fool’s satire issue.

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