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When you’ve seen Rammy around campus, you’ve probably never heard a squeak out of them (at least, hopefully not — it likely would have been a breach of contract). But this spring, Rammy’s tired of hiding in the shadows, and is ready to make their vocal debut — and be prepared, they’ve got quite the singing voice. 

Rammy announced Wednesday, April 10, that they would be featured as a collaborator on the highly anticipated new Taylor Swift album, “The Tortured Poets Department,” to be released on April 19. 

The announcement came via Instagram, where Rammy posted a photo of themself with Swift posing with fake cat ears atop their heads and martini glasses in hand (Rammy’s was filled with orange juice, of course — they can’t stand the taste of hard liquor). Rammy captioned the photo, “There’s only one kind of Karma I can stand — and it’s not JoJo Siwa’s. Look out for my collaboration with my favorite singer-songwriter, the one and only Tay Tay, out April 19 <3 #TorturedPoetsDepartment #KarmaIsMyBoyfriend.”According to sources, Rammy and Swift met back in 2007, when Swift visited West Chester University and performed in Emilie K. Asplundh Concert Hall. At the show, tickets were $10 a piece — $6 for students. Swift and Rammy have been friends ever since, regularly sending one another cat Tik Tok videos, writing pen pal letters to one another embossed in pink glitter and taking quick flights to the Jersey Shore for weekend getaways. 

When asked, Rammy said they have been a die-hard Swiftie ever since hearing “Teardrops on my Guitar” performed live in Asplundh, having a particularly soft spot in their heart for the albums “Speak Now” and “Lover.”

On “The Tortured Poets Department,” Rammy is reportedly collaborating on the song “Fresh Out The Slammer,” which Rammy says they relate to “on a deeply personal level.”

A 15-second leaked take from recording sessions seems like Rammy’s part will be rapped — apparently, the line is faster than Daveed Diggs’ delivery of “Guns and Ships” in “Hamilton.”

“We originally intended the line to be sang by SZA, but she was unavailable…” Swift’s agent said. “But then Rammy stepped up, and was willing to record for, like, five bucks, and we saw no reason not to, so… yeah.”

Online, fans have struck up a storm of excitement in anticipation of the track’s drop. It seems many have latched on to a theory that the duo will release a version of the album where all of the songs are sung by Rammy alone on July 3. Fans cite the fact that there are 3 “R’s” in the album’s name, “The Tortured Poets Department,” which stand for “Rammy.” Then, fans subtracted the the number of Swift concerts that Rammy has attended (six) from the number of times Swift vaguely looks like she does the “Rams Up” hand symbol during her Eras Tour set (13) to ultimately get the date 3/7, or July 3 (The date is reversed to represent how the date is written in Spain, since that is where Swift will be performing on that date).

But perhaps most exciting for Rammy is the fact that the collaboration will serve as a launchpad for their own self-titled album, “Ramuel.”

The album is set to be released May 3, the day of Ramboree, where they will be performing at an intimate, closed concert on the sixth floor of Sykes (tickets will be given to anyone who is able to figure out how to get to the sixth floor).

“Ramuel” will pay a special homage to WCU, having been recorded in the audio studio in Brandywine Hall’s basement.

Rammy self-describes their album as a “wide-ranging exploration through a Ram’s perspective of this big blue sphere we call home.”  

The album opens with a spirited, sassy tune titled “Banana Day B*tch,” best described as a self-love anthem for all the school mascots out there berating themselves for not being peppy enough (Mascot mental health awareness is a passion of Rammy’s). As the album progresses, it adopts a more introspective tone, with tracks like “Damn, to be a Ram,” where Rammy explores themes of self-identity and the feeling of ostracization from working at a school of only humans. And in “Glown Up not Grown Up,” Rammy dives into the confidence that they’ve derived from their 2017 makeover into the Ram they look like today, while also battling with the sense of child-like wonder that dominates their personality in contemporary corporate America.

Fans are also expecting “Ramuel” to feature a pop-y rebound song following Rammy’s breakup with their ex of three years, the Philly Fanatic. 

The Fanatic did not respond to requests for comment.

DISCLAIMER: This article is part of The Quak, a satirical series of articles that are released in commemoration of April Fools Day.


Olivia Schlinkman is a third-year Political Science major with minors in Journalism and Spanish. Her favorite Taylor Swift album is folklore.

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