Mon. May 16th, 2022

The Eagles take a three game losing streak into their bye-week with a 4-4 overall record. The saddest part about this is that it appears that they still have a chance. I, on the other hand, believe that while the fat lady has not sang yet, she has entered the building and cleared her throat. Even before the season began, the usual bravado of Eagles fans was mysteriously absent as many experts predicted another basement finish in the NFC East for the Birds. Even our homers at 610 WIP were bracing themselves for 8-8 records and even the most optimistic analysts projected 9-7.

That all changed with the last second addition of Donte Stallworthe, a player that I myself embraced as our “Patron Saint.” The addition of Stallworthe reminded me of the Disney sports classic “The Mighty Ducks,” where coach Gordon Bombay picked up the best player in league, Adam “Cake Eater” Banks, just in time for the Ducks’ playoff run.

I seriously thought that the move would have an impact, and laugh at me all you want, but I was not alone. Suddenly the guys on ESPN’s PTI (Pardon This Interruption) and Around the Horn were fiercely debating the new and improved Eagles. Some stubbornly refused to believe that this move would change the outcome, while others practically had the Birds back in the Super Bowl.

Apparently this was all a pipe dream. In what should have been the easy part of the season, the Eagles are a .500 team, and getting worse. Stallworthe isn’t worth stalling for; Javon Kearse is cursed; and Andy Reid thinks they need to “get better” at some things. The team had no pulse last week, and the explanation is working harder. I own stuffed animals that speak more phrases than Andy Reid.

I put my foot through the TV every week listening to Reid’s press conferences. I am running out of money to buy new TVs, and my roommates are cutting their feet on all the glass shards.

My 12 year old brother can give a better explanation than that. Reid is the Michael Corleone of the Eagles. “Don’t ask me about my business,” the Godfather said to his wife. Reid is effectively saying that to the fans.

He is like a gifted student who brings home D’s and F’s on tests. When mom yells at him and asks why this is happening, Little Andy Reid responds, “I need to try harder, ma!” I said this to my mom when I was little, but by the 100th time she was not buying it. Eagles fans need more as well. The SS. Philadelphia Eagles has hit an iceberg and is sinking fast. We have yet to identify where the leak is. Skipper Reid seems content with going down with his ship.

I admire that Reid refuses to call out players, but this is getting ridiculous.

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