Sun. Jan 23rd, 2022

I’m a walker. Strut, saunter, meander. I don’t care what you call it, as long as it’s slow paced, I’m there.

My love for walking is far-reaching and it is also virtually common sense proof. I used to walk home from work all the time back when I worked at a local movie house. Day or night, no matter. I just enjoyed the relatively brisk 30 minute or so stroll. One day, I was sent home from work early because things were a bit slow. Naturally, I decided to hoof it home in celebration of my good fortune.

The reason that things were so slow at work that day was because a rather large blizzard had struck the previous day, and the roads weren’t in great shape. Of course, my journey was incredibly ill advised, and I was soon bedridden with a nasty case of bronchitis and— because I’m not just a child at heart— an ear infection. I’m the only person I’m aware of who has contracted the fearsome teenage ear infection.

Despite my downright awe-inspiring ability to contract childhood illnesses well into early adulthood, I am no hero. I’m just a guy who likes to make sure he gets his money’s worth on a pair of shoes.

Recently, however, a group of people have done their best to prevent this. A group so diabolical that they make Icelandic team from “Mighty Ducks 2” look like good will ambassadors.

Of course, I’m talking about the residents of South New Street.

Those of you out there who live on South Campus know that there are three ways to get to North Campus: walk, drive or (shudder) take the shuttle bus. Driving seems a bit excessive if you’re just trying to get to class and God knows where you’ll park your car once you get there. The shuttle bus is a crapshoot at best, especially once the sun sets or the calendar hits Friday. Try catching a bus at night on a Friday. You’d have better luck besting the US women’s hockey team.

That leaves my beloved walking as the most feasible option for a good chunk of the day. Well, no longer thanks to the folks who call that stretch of road home, who have refused to shovel the sidewalk that countless students rely on to save them from the mind numbing horror that comes with waiting for a bus. Heck, even WCU shoveled out it’s part of the sidewalk. Sure, it took them well over a week after the snow stopped to get around to it, but at least they did it.

I bravely (read: stupidly) attempted to solider through and do the walk the other night. I encountered a terrain straight out of a “Star Wars” sequel; snow up to my knees almost the entire _ of a mile walk. When it wasn’t up to my knees it was actually over my head, thanks to the good folks who took the time to clear their driveways and no more.

I feel like cleaning the sidewalk in front of your house is one of those things that you just do. It just goes with the territory. If you can’t handle clearing the sidewalk, then maybe you’re not ready for the rigors of homeownership.

Look, if you’re pushing your ninth decade then you’re probably not in the best shape for shoveling. I understand that. I want to know what happened to the days when you just paid a neighborkid five bucks to do it for you?

Where are all the neighborkids? Probably text messaging or watching “Hannah Montana.”

Fine, so the neighborkids are all indisposed or useless.

Don’t ask me how, but I know for a fact that not everyone on that stretch of road was alive for the Harding administration. If you weren’t, get off your lazy bum and start shoveling! It’s your duty as a homeowner. That or start cranking out some kiddies to do the work for you.

S. New St. residents, I expect this nonsense from WCU. It’s what they do, but I expect more from you. I know you’ve had your problems in the past with drunken students peeing on your lawns, waking you up at all hours on the weekends and stealing your lawn gnomes. The point is that this town and gown stuff goes both ways. Your dangerous laziness and negligence is forcing pedestrians into the middle of street.

But that’s fine. Why should you care about such things? Don’t shovel. I’ll just stand outside of Wayne Hall until a bus feels like heading my way. Or I’ll try and do the walk and either freeze to death in the snow or get run over on the street because the sidewalks are unusable. Either way, it’s on you.

Listen folks, I can assure you that not all of us are loud, drunken lawn gnome thieves with poor bladder control. Some of us just like to walk home after a long day of making something out of nothing or jamming square pegs in round holes.

Whoops! I meant class work.

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