Image: Goshen’s Secret Underground Fight Club
I still remember the first night I came to Fight Club. I had no idea what to expect when I explored the ground floor of Goshen Hall. I turned one corner, and there it was in all its glory. Punches and kicks were being thrown all over, but in such an organized way; it was beautiful.
Apparently, since it was my first time there, I had to fight, and I had never felt more alive. I lost, brutally, and I couldn’t do anything the next day because every part of me hurt, but it was fantastic. After this I became a loyal member, and every Sunday night I’d come down to the ground floor and see them already at it. It stayed this incredible for numerous months, but something has changed.
The Fight Club I go to now isn’t the same one I once loved, and I’m here to find out why. I began my investigation last week after noticing multiple differences and problems with how Fight Club is run today. Even with there being much to hate, there were still a few highlights.
Seeing the fight between Terry and Terri was really fun, especially when Terry started throwing backflips in the mix. Did it compare to when Big Joe roundhouse kicked Little Greg in the face? No, but it was still pretty cool. It’s also always incredible to see someone get gatorade-showered every week. Though I laughed like everyone else, there was still a part of me that felt like I’d seen that reused too much.
A semi-cool fight and an unoriginal Gatorade shower was really it, though. On a night that is supposed to be action-packed, this is just embarrassing. The rest of the fights I see nowadays are so boring. Each fight is either a steamroll match where one person knocks a guy’s teeth out in one punch, or both people are too weak and the fight takes forever. They all lack what made Fight Club so special in the first place. It honestly makes me upset just thinking about it, and writing this article has been quite a challenge.
I think back to how whimsical it used to feel fighting. I would throw a punch, and the other person would throw one back! It was simple but delightful, and everyone had such a great time. Now I look around and all I see is scared faces, and this made my investigation all the more important. It seemed I wasn’t the only one noticing this horrific change to Fight Club, and I needed to find out why. To find the answer though, I would need to look back to the beginning.
Those first few weeks I went to Fight Club were so wondrous, since there were only a few dozen of us there. Now, though, we’d be lucky if we got under 50, and most days there is a line going out the door. There was one time a few weeks ago where I wasn’t even allowed in because there were so many people. I just had to sit outside like a loser. This leads to my big question, though: where are all of these people coming from?
At the start of each night, our leader, Taylor Hurlden (I think that’s right — don’t publish till I confirm this), tells us the rules of Fight Club. The first of these rules being: You do not talk about Fight Club. This rule was so important it’s even the second rule too, so I don’t understand why people keep talking about it.
I’m not sure who it is that is revealing all this information about Fight Club, whether online or in-person, but please listen to me. Fight Club used to be an exclusive, cool club where people could just fight, and there were no worries. Now you have ruined it by telling everyone about this secret underground club. If people just stopped talking about it then it could go back to the good ol’ days. I think that’s what we all want here, so for those of you sharing all of the club’s information, do the right thing.
Overall, this glorious thing I once called Fight Club has become a distant memory. Now all that stands is a lackluster weekly annoyance where throwing a punch feels more like a chore than the euphoric experience it once was. The moral of the story here is to please stop telling people about Fight Club; it will make the world such a better place. Thank you.
Samuel J. Beadle is a first-year English major. SB1033446@wcupa.edu.