This has to be one of the easiest as well as the most challenging psychological actions to be done — letting go. To me, it’s been a challenge as I juggle through grievance, loss and the stress of handling classes through my years of college. However, what does “letting go” really mean? When is this phrase appropriate and when is it the best time to not “let go?”
According to Dr. Anna Schaffner on Positive Psychology, the idea of letting go “is a spiritual and/or psychological process that requires relinquishing or lessening our attachment to outcomes, desires, and expectations and accepting what is.” Sometimes it’s meant to “loosen our fixations,” which can involve something as small as getting rid of an old stuffed animal that was given to you ages ago. Sometimes it can be something bigger, such as letting go of a current or past relationship with another person. To understand the reasons why letting go is important, let’s dive into what can lead to someone refusing to let go. Tony Robbins explains that, “When you’re unable to let go, those memories become a part of your story and work against you.” It can cause constant bad reminders in your head, and can lead to self medicating through drug abuse, alcoholism or self-harm.
Reading through these articles, it has made me self-reflect on my constant need to not let go. About a year ago today, I lost my father to colon cancer, and I’ve been grieving ever since. Instead of going through acceptance — which,in a way, is “letting go,” I’ve constantly been trying to distract myself from the reality of it all. This, I believe, also caused a rift in my relationships with others. I would focus on socializing with others, and yearning for the same connection that I once had with my Dad with other people. I wanted to feel that sort of love, protection and connection while also pretending that my Dad wasn’t gone.
My initial thought of “letting it go,” when I heard it was that I would need to forget the 20 years’ worth of memories I had with him and forget that he was ever in my life at all. I didn’t want to do that — and I still don’t. According to Very Well Health, “The grie[ving] process is essential to your healing and shouldn’t be rushed —” words from an article that a friend had sent to me a couple months after my dad passed. It continues on to say that, “there is life after grief, however. Once you have moved through your grief, [take] your time to allow natural feelings to flow and time to care for yourself.” This helped me understand that at some point, I’ll let go, bit by bit, but for now, it’s fine to grieve and let it all out. I shouldn’t constantly distract myself, or try to find the same connection and the same kind of feeling that my Dad gave me, because though I loved it, I shouldn’t try to replace that feeling or find that feeling with someone else. Overall, it’s good to let go, but there’s never a rush to do so.
Jasmine Stewart is a Senior with a Major in Finance and interdisciplinary studies and a minor in business analytics (NABJ’s Community service Chair)