Thu. Dec 8th, 2022

Wow! Was that a Super Bowl or what? I can’t believe it’s already over. Somehow it feels like it hasn’t even happened yet as I sit here and write this. My favorite part was when that guy caught the ball and then ran towards the end zone. And then at the end, when the coach got the Gator-Aid dumped on him? Hilarious. Almost thought they weren’t going to do it this year. Of course, The Who were great at half time with Pete Townshend doing the windmill and all that.

And what about the commercials? They were so funny! Like that one that aired this year. You know, the one for the thing when the guy was all like “Woah! You should all buy this good/ service!”

Compelling.

Yes sir, we can all learn a thing or two from the team that won that momentous game. I won’t mention the name of the team that won, of course, because it would only be insulting your intelligence to do so. or something. Of course, the lesson that I’m talking about here, boys and girls, is the wonders of team work.

Now, this may shock you, coming so fast on the heels of my quasi-needy bus-rant from last week, but I’m not much for the team work, at least not as far as classes are concerned anyway. It wouldn’t be quite accurate for me to refer to myself as a “lone wolf” due to my passive, lethargic nature and overall lack of anything resembling a killer instinct.

I think my true counterpart from the animal kingdom would be a sea gull. I’m kind of interesting and funny at first, but things quickly switch gears into painfully irritating the longer I hang around. Eventually it gets to the point where you just throw your French fries off into the distance for me to chase while you run screaming in the opposite direction.

Yeah, lone seagull, that’s me. Irritating and sort of useless. Like a Disney Channel star once they hit seventeen.

Bird tangents aside, let’s get back to my original point about team work, or as it’s called the classroom: group work. If you’re anything like me— I wouldn’t wish such a thing on anyone— a lightning bolt tore across the sky and the lights flickered on and off as you read that sentence.

Group work is the bane of my educational career. I’m not talking about sitting in a circle and hashing out the day’s lesson in the class room, but the really sinister kind that you get graded on.

I’m not sure if the professors out there actually believe that this nonsense creates less work for students, because in my own humble life experiences, it always goes one of two ways.

Group Project Option A: One person does all the work, while the rest of the group sits around idling, twiddling their thumbs and talking about the previous night’s “Jersey Shore” episode.

Not a fan of that option? Well, let’s check behind door number two!

Group Project Option B: One person does absolutely nothing to the extent where they may have dropped the class without telling anyone while the rest of the group does everything.

There are a few other options, but they can mostly be summarized as a delightful blend of chaos and anarchy with a pinch of mass hysteria sprinkled on top.

Every single solitary group project has fallen into one of these categories. Now, maybe I’m just unlucky. Or maybe it is I who is the problem. I’m open to both of those possibilities. I’ve been on every possible side in the scenarios, playing both the role of studious worker and that of out-of-place drifter.

If you are a professor and you are reading this then please for the love of God or Charles Dickens or Mr. Feeney or whatever deity it is that you scholarly types worship, make the group in group projects optional. If someone wants to lone wolf (or seagull) it, let them.

If you’re one of those social creatures who enjoys the mental strain caused by working in a large group, by all means do so. But please don’t take away my option to spurn social conventions and strike out on my own path to glory. or more likely a mid-level B. That’s all I ask.

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