I know what you’re thinking— didn’t I just finish with all this class nonsense? The answer, as is so often the case, is “yes, but.” Yes, you did just finish with all this nonsense, but like all good things, break must come to end and we must get back to the grind of papers, quizzes and tests!
Oh my.
Never fear fellow student, college life needn’t be all mindless repetition and soul-crushing drudgery. I mean, sure, there is plenty of that, but in an effort to keep things fresh, our beloved institution of higher learning has made some massive changes since you escaped from its clutches only one short month ago.
I know that at some point during your stay at West Chester you’ve attempted to cross Rosedale Avenue only to come eye to eye with a speeding motor vehicle of some sort. Of course, you could have walked over to the crosswalk located a mere seven steps from where you attempted to cross, or even to one of the countless stop signs that divide up the road like Swiss cheese, but that would have been wrong. We are college students after all. We simply don’t have the time for silly pedestrian laws. We are the future.
In an effort to alleviate the life sized game of “Frogger” that Rosedale has become, to the chagrin of motorists everywhere, West Chester has added another crosswalk. Stand with me my friends as I say: “We will not allow our reckless crossing patterns to be altered! No crosswalk can hold us!” Break out the guitar and strike up the kumbaya.
Staying on Rosedale for a minute, for those of you out there you have waited with baited breath for the fence to be completed around the new tennis and basketball courts on the corner of New St., wait no more! The fence, which took roughly 14 months to finish, is now in place, securing our sporting areas from any who would seek to do them harm. That noise you hear is tennis aficionados everywhere letting out a Joaquin Phoenix-caliber sigh of relief.
There are now two fewer big, empty buildings on campus. They’ve been replaced with huge debris piles; Sanderson and Ramsey Halls are no more. If you spent anytime up here over break, you likely would have seen me standing in front of Sanderson— or as I frequently called it while a resident there: “the mouth of madness”— as they tore it down, dancing a jig while singning songs of victory. The Evil is gone. The Evil is finally gone. Let’s see the animals who used to inhabit that place try and set a wine box on fire in the bathroom now! There aren’t any bathrooms!
Lastly, good news for those of you out there who call the South Campus Apartment Complex home. Make sure you’re sitting down. Not only have the long awaited mailboxes finally made their debut, but the South Side Market will actually have real food in it this term. eventually. Not that the cold sandwiches of questionable age and origin aren’t considered real food, but rumors swirl of a Grill Works containing everything from burgers to chicken fingers.
South Campus Apartments. Now with mailboxes AND food! Tell your friends.
Geez, anyone who moves in next term is going to be spoiled. They’ll have all sorts of amenities awaiting them. They won’t have to wait a month for their cable to be installed or wander over to the Clubhouse to pick up the letters that their mom sends them every week telling them how special they are. Not that I know anything about any such letters. I’ve heard rumblings is all.
Hey, next thing you know, there will be a fully stocked printer in the Clubhouse. And pigs will soar majestically across the sky like condors with adorably curly tails. And professors will finally realize the incredible power of this new fangled device called a copy machine and save students hundreds of dollars every term on those great and very necessary text books that are barely used once.
Welcome back my friends.