Wed. Aug 17th, 2022

So a few weeks back, I railed about West Chester University and its need to provide better places for students to lock up their bicycles.

Well, my friends, I am happy to report that as of this week WCU will be

installing the new, state-of-the-art “Bike-B-Safe 3000” all across campus. This

wonderful and VERY expensive device makes bicycle theft 100 percent impossible and it

provides protection from any type of weather condition imaginable. Basically, it could be the “Day After Tomorrow” outside and the “Ocean’s 11” guys could be trying to steal it and your bike would never even know. I like to explain things with movies.

So anywho, the best part of all of this is. wait, I’m sorry, what’s that? WCU ISN’T installing any “Bike-B-Safe’s?” Oh, well, I’m sure they’ve done something, right?

Really? Nothing? That’s awesome. At least I know where I stand with WCU.

So, it is in this vain of expecting nothing to change ever, that I present to you my latest trivial— but not too trivial— problem with out beloved institution. Don’t worry; it’s not the advising system. I’m saving that one for later.

Now that the weather has gotten colder, biking it isn’t always the most practical option.

Folks, today I want to talk to all of you about our shuttle buses. Ah yes, the buses. The best four-wheeled way to get from North Campus to South Campus. for free.

Unless, that is, you know someone with a car who will drive you up and back without charging you for gas. If you do know someone so kind. please! Share the wealth! I don’t take up much space and I am

EXTREMLY flexible when it comes to what radio station to listen to.

According to our campus website, the buses are supposed to run every eight minutes during peak hours and every ten during off-peak. This is news to me. I must spend 15-20 minutes during peak and weeks during off-peak waiting for the wrong shuttle buses. If someone would be so kind as to direct me to the stops for some of these eight minute wait buses, I would be most appreciative.

There is absolutely nothing that I love more in this world— outside of Johnny Depp— then walking up to the bus stop on Church St. and seeing not one or two, but three buses all parked in a row! This is incredible, because I know that somewhere down on South Campus some poor schmuck is standing in the cold watching the minutes tick away until he’s late for class. Public transportation is a marvelous thing.

So, three buses all at the same stop. Now, one of those is running the Q-Lot route— all stops between North and South— while one of the others is running the Express route— North Campus to the Health Science Center and back— but what of this mysterious third bus? To what far reaches of campus will it be traveling? What secrets will it unlock along the way? I can only wager to a guess, but I assume that it will just end up running the Q-Lot route a few seconds behind the other one with no one on board.

I could sit here and complain about the shuttle buses all day— believe me I could— but that wouldn’t be productive. Here are a few tips for WCU to ignore on how to improve the system.

1.) Eliminate the Express Bus- Hold on Health Science kids! Hear me out! Why not just turn the current Express option into a Health Science center route? That way the Q-Lot buses won’t need to stop there any more during the day. I’m not really sure why this route even exists. I mean, there isn’t an express route from South Campus to North Campus. What, us South Campus residents don’t need to be on time for class? Only the Health kids? Hey man, my English degree is just as important and useful as their degree!

Ok, no it isn’t. I know. I was exaggerating.

2.) Spread out! Stay away from each other! There is no need for you to run right on top of each other. In fact, your paths should only cross once— right smack in the middle of the route. One bus tailgating another, with a third pulling up the rear doesn’t

really serve too much of a purpose does it?

3.) Lose the sitting around. I mean, I enjoy getting on a bus and then sitting there for ten minutes while the driver pages through a paper back as much as the next guy, but even I have my limits. I know you’re trying to stay on your schedule, but newsflash, no one else knows what that schedule is! All we see is you gabbing on your phone while we miss important English courses!

4.) On the topic of schedules— don’t post them. Seriously, those posted schedules are the most irritating part of all of this because they are NEVER right. Don’t post a schedule you have no intentions of sticking to. All it really does is make people angry.

I could go on like this for hours. And I will. Isn’t my girlfriend lucky? I’ve done my part, the ball is now in your court WCU. I will now sit back and await you swift and thorough response.

Picture courtesy of boomerinthepew.com

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