My friends, an epidemic has hit our beloved school. An epidemic the likes of which the world has never seen. No, I’m not talking about Swine Flu, or H1N1 or “the flu that must not be named” or whatever it is exactly that we’re calling it now. I’m referring to the Purell dispensers that have overtaken most of the major buildings on campus. You name the place and chances are there are at least half a dozen Purell dispensers within walking distance.
These lousy things have become so omnipresent that I thought one may have actually followed me home yesterday until I realized it was merely a bottle of hair gel— but what if? How long before Purell becomes more commonplace on campus then textbooks? Or has that happened already?
The source of all this germ-killing hysteria can be traced back to the aforementioned H1N1. Far be it for me to make light of a disease that has claimed lives across the globe, but aren’t we getting a bit carried away here? The EXACT same way that we previously lost our minds for bird flu, S.A.R.S., Y2K and “Titanic?”
If those dispensers were given to the university out of the goodness of the Purell company’s heart, I would be fine with it. Sadly, I don’t think that was the case.
The money wasted on hand sanitizers could have gone to hiring another employee for our currently short-staffed campus diner so that it isn’t forced to close at 10 p.m. on a Saturday. How about we hire someone to operate the Home Zone and pasta stations in Sykes over the weekend? Heck, how about just sending that money BACK to the students and recommending that THEY buy Purell with it?
There are lots of cheap and easy ways for the student body to protect itself from H1N1.
-Don’t sneeze into your hand and then high five a friend
-Don’t share beverages
-Don’t lick the desks in Main Hall, or any other hall for that matter
See how easy that is? Basic hygiene is half the battle. The other half is flat-out luck, I suppose. Even if you follow my above protocol to the letter, there still is no 100% effective method to keep from getting sick— outside of stockpiling water bottles and sealing off your home’s doors and windows. Granted the biggest side effect of this scenario is possible suffocation, but it’s the only way to be completely safe.
I’m not saying that we shouldn’t be cautious but at what point does caution become paranoia? Is a giant dome ala “The Simpsons Movie” in our immediate future? And what good is Purell anyway? The dispensers are in the hallways of most buildings. After you cleanse your hands you still need to open the door to your classroom. What if your professor passes around a handout? Should the university ban doors and handouts?
The obvious answer is yes. Most definitely yes. We must be safe.
West Chester, I hope that you saved the receipt for those dispensers because I want my money back.