The culture killjoys might consider it Much Apu About Nothing, but the new stamps honoring “The Simpsons” mark the dysfunctional five’s latest Brush With Greatness.Cowabunga, dude!
But the U.S. Postal Service isn’t just issuing 44-cent stamps featuring Homer, Marge, Lisa, Bart and Maggie on May 7 but also instigating a Homerpalooza.
“Vote Early and Often: It’s the American Way,” the Postal Service news release says, encouraging the masses to pick their favorite among the fab five.
But how to choose just one without causing a Brawl in the Family?
Oh, Homie.
What would Milhouse do?
Should Homer, that doughnut-snarfing, Duff-swilling Stark Raving Dad get to be King of the Hill?
D’oh!
What about Marge, The Last of the Red Hat Mamas with the towering blue hair? She’s bound to issue a Diatribe of a Mad Housewife if she doesn’t win.
The contest could be All About Lisa, that iconoclastic tree-hugger, but how could her stamp not picture Lisa’s Sax?
Lisa might appeal to ethical brainiacs, but she’s not the only Simpson who’s Smart & Smarter.
In one 20th-season episode, that feisty little scamp Bart writes on the chalkboard, “My piggy bank is not entitled to TARP funds.”
Aye caramba! Bart the Genius?
Binky-sucking baby Maggie might see a surge of last-minute votes.
According to online sources, she’ll talk like Jodie Foster in an episode called Four Great Women and a Manicure, scheduled to air on Fox TV on May 10.
President George H.W. Bush might have wanted American families to emulate the Waltons more than the Simpsons.
But Homer drove him out of Springfield, didn’t he? And “The Simpsons” has humored (horrified?) audiences for 20 years.
Now that’s sticking power. No wonder they’re getting their own stamps.
As Mr. Burns might say, “Ex-cel-lent!”
Hurry voting ends May 14.