Last week, West Chester University’s own weekly student newspaper, The Quad, was named the best student publication in the state of Pennsylvania. The title was awarded to the editors of the paper by the Associated Press at their state bureau in Harrisburg. Citing top quality layout, first rate photography and impeccable writing, the AP was quoted as saying, “we really have no choice but to award this prestigious title to the students of West Chester University and moreso, the delightful editors of The Quad.”

“We finally beat out those hacks at Penn State. Take that Daily Collegian!” added News Editor, Jeff Simon. “This is a big win for me, as I single-handedly turned The Quad around this semester.”

The award ceremony, observed by over 1,500 on-lookers, most of them friends, family and relatives of The Quad, was held in a cavernous nook in the basement of the AP bureau. The basement is used only for the most special of occasions and is only meant to hold 40 people.

After the ceremony, Editor-in-chief Lauren Beley was quoted as saying, “1,460 people over the limit and not a single fire department violation. That’s why we’re The Quad.”

One Quad editor who preferred to remain nameless had to be evacuated to the hospital after trying to jump into an apparent mosh pit in the audience. Needless to say, the mosh pit did not care for this and immediately scattered, causing this unnamed editor to suffer severe back injuries. From his hospital bed, Pierdominico used several unsanitary words to describe the on-lookers who let him down (no pun intended).

Upon The Quad’s return to campus, the Student Government Association instantly honored a long-pending $50,000 auxiliary request made by the organization. Shortly after the grant was approved, managing editor Natalie Shaak was allegedly seen at FedEx-Kinko’s in Exton running off copies of The Daily Penn, the University of Pennsylvania’s daily paper. The implications of this sighting are still pending; stay tuned for further true, real, non-fictitious updates from your number one source for facts and truth, The Quad.

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