Wed. Nov 30th, 2022

James Morrow and Gabe Antobello, the lone two members England’s most controversial band since the Sex Pistols, Cake For Piggy, are sitting on sofas worth 15 million dollars in their hotel suite in a West Chester Marriott, drinking ridiculously expressive lattes while they swear at Newcastle United’s inability to generate any kind of offense on a very weak Stoke City team. Stoke leads by one at the fiftieth minute mark but lead vocalist/bassist/noise guy, James Morrow, has dwindling hopes for a Newcastle victory. Between missed opportunities for Newcastle United, the band offers a few words about their upcoming show on the top of Sykes Student Union building.

“Americans are slobs,” Morrow said after Newcastle United botched a corner kick.

“We want to be popular in America and they are slobs. Americans, you see, love their cake, and they are pigs. So me and Gabe will give them their cake for piggy.”

Thus is their marketing strategy.

It has generated much publicity, and has resulted in memorable but controversial appearances on the ‘The Late Show with David Letterman,’ and ‘The View.’

On ‘The View,’ Cake For Piggy repeated an action which made them YouTube legends. In the middle of being lectured incessantly by Elisabeth Hasselbeck, Morrow and Antobello brought cakes from out of nowhere, and threw the cakes in Hasselbeck’s face.

In Columbus, Ohio, the band ended their set early for no particular reason. They began throwing cake and strips of bacon at the fans.

“We just want to get our message across is all,” Morrow said. “It’s always about the fans and the message.”

The buzz has been building on the West Chester campus. Cake For Piggy has been running various contests such as ‘Eat Cake with Cake For Piggy” and “Bet a Two Team Parlay with Cake For Piggy.”

Officials are expecting the town to shut down for a day when Cake For Piggy plays on the top of Sykes Student Union.

“We’re going to play all of our best songs,” Morrow promises. “Fans can expect ‘Country Song,’ and ‘The Ballad of C. Thomas Howell,’ ‘Jed’s Let It Turn To Something Else,’ and ‘Curious George Is.'”

Tickets are sold out for the event.

April Fools!

Chris Monigle is a fourth-year student majoring in Literature, Business, Finance and Philosophy. He is currently hanging out on the set of “LOST” with Emilie de Ravin and Matthew Fox. He can only be reached via message in a bottle.

* April Fools!

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