If one more person asks me if I have a problem or if everything is OK I think I am going to explode. Sure I have lost a good amount of weight over the past couple of months, but I do not think it is anything to
worry about so why does everyone else? Actually I think I have never looked better, and itʼs weird how some people seem to agree with me while others have started looking at me like I am some kind of health-crazed maniac.The gym is like a second home to me, and I start everyday with a solid hour of cardio and another 45 minutes of weight training. Not going is not an option, and although it can be a hassle both physically and mentally, I refuse to give in to laziness. I hate the feeling I get on days when I do not exercise so I try to push myself each and every week to do moreand more. Leaving the gym after a good workout is the high I need to keep my motivation on track.
My diet has been cut back dramatically from the previous two semesters. No way do I even think about touching pizza or anything that is not
wheat based or fat free. Too many late night snacks and a lack of self-control is what put on those extra 15 pounds in the first place. Everything is fine now though because I have cut back almost 30 pounds since first semester, and my weight is steadily decreasing each week.
Stepping onto the scale has become somewhat of an obsession because of the high I feel when I see those numbers decreasing.
My parents and boyfriend have all begun to question my health habits, but I know that they just do not understand the pressures that I am facing. I tell them that exercising is my form of stress relief because that used to be the truth. Now I am not so sure though because my body feels so tired by midafternoon that it is actually a struggle to keep moving. When they listen to me order my fatfree dressings and butter-less entrees they do not do a great job of disguising their concern.
If I want to eat healthier it is nobodyʼs business but my own. I have my diet down to a science that does not allow for any variations or slip-ups.
So now school is back in session, and the strain of readjusting my diet and exercise patterns is driving me nuts. I fear what could happen if I do not strictly regulate my eating, drinking, and workout habits.
Parties are tough because there is always the alcohol available, but how can I relax and have fun when all I do is sit there and count calories? Maybe this is more then just healthy living. I am starting to feel like this lifestyle is a burden that is making me irritable and unhappy. I want to be enjoying my time here, but it just seems like life has become such a struggle to maintain my “healthy” image.
My boyfriend is pushing more and more for me to get some help, but between classes, work, and the gym, I cannot find a single second to think about anything else. Some of my friends who have not seen me in a while seem shocked at how much weight I have lost. One even said he did not recognize me at first. Itʼs not the comments that are affecting me so much though. It is the looks that these people give me. They do
not look enthusiastic about my weight loss but instead seem kind of uncomfortable and nervous around me. I am beginning to feel like they do not see this as attractive, and that really hurts. Even some people at my gym have asked if everything is all right, and these are people who are supposed to reward fitness gains. Maybe there really is something wrong with me.
I looked in the mirror today, and I actually did a double take. My muscles look so tight and lean, but I can see my veins and ribs clearly through my skin. I never wanted to take this to the extreme, but the feeling of control I get from losing weight is completely addictive. Itʼs time for me to seek help though. I cannot keep living my life like this or I know Iʼm headed for some serious problems. I am going to call the counseling and
student health centers and find out what I should do to get back on track. When I finally admit that I know I have a problem, my parents and boyfriend are overjoyed. Everyone is ready for me to get the treatment I
need, but the question is: Am I?