Mon. Jul 4th, 2022

On September 20, Rutgers University sponsored “An Evening with Michael Moore” at the Tweeter Center in Camden, New Jersey. Moore, a controversial, muckraking author and filmmaker most recently known for his documentary “Fahrenheit 9/11,” was at Rutgers University to kick off his 60 city “Slacker Uprising Tour.”Introduced by Rutgers?s SGA president as “America?s favorite communist,” Moore took to the stage and received a generous standing ovation from the sold-out amphitheater.

Moore will be touring 20 swing states in hopes of motivating just 10 percent of the 50 percent of Americans who do not vote. “We have very, very low expectations,” joked Moore. Still, he claims, “If we can get the number of people who vote to go from 50 percent to 55 percent, you know who the majority of them are going to vote for.”

Moore?s devotion to “slackers” stems, perhaps, from his brief stay at the university of Michigan-Flint. Moore revealed to some 6,000 spectators that on his first day at the university he was unable to locate a parking spot and so he drove home, never to return. “I?m the original slacker,” declared Moore. His supporters, officially known as “Moore?s Militia,” would certainly disagree.

Moore has been busy breathing new life into the Kerry campaign; providing democrats with a plethora of new catchphrases (free of charge, of course) such as: “Bush and Kerry both suck. That?s why I?m voting for Kerry;” “Your boss loves President Bush,” and “George W. Bush: The ATM for the rich”.

“Bush?s bullet points are easy to understand,” Moore explained. They are three to five words [in length], and he repeats them like a mantra everyday. 1. Kerry is a flip-flopper. 2. Kerry is the number one Liberal inthe Senate. 3. You are going to die if Kerry is elected.”

In Kerry?s defense, Moore described Bush as a “man on permanent vacation,” claiming, “[Bush] has been gone from the White House to Kennebunkport, Camp David or Crawford 42% of the time leading up to 9/11.” He added, “Since 9/11, the percentage has gone down only slightly, somewhere just under 40 percent.”

A September 15 article in The Washington Post upheld this accusation.

“Bush has not spent a full day in Washington since August 2.” In addition, “Bush has spent only a handful of days entirely in Washington all summer long: Just ten since Memorial Day.”

Moore faced his audience, saying, “Is this who we want running our country? We all love Ferris Bueller, but we don?t want Ferris Bueller running the country, do we?”

In an effort to stifle circulating rumors, Moore confirmed that he will be withdrawing “Fahrenheit 9/11” from consideration for Best Documentary at this year?s Academy Awards in order to have it shown on television the night before the election. The Academy will not consider a documentary if it has been aired on television within nine months of its release in theatres. In 2003, Moore won Best Documentary for his film “Bowling for Columbine” and many critics believed that “Fahrenheit 9/11” would follow in its footsteps. Moore reassured his audience that the defeat of President Bush would be of greater significance.

When asked by an audience member when he was going to run for president, Moore simply replied, “That?s a bad idea.

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