Dear Dea,I have a big bust and I get a lot of unwanted attention because of it. It seems like there is nothing I can do to tone it down. At times I am even caught off guard by my breasts during the course of the day. Do you know what I can do? And, if it’s not too much, do you know how I can decrease the appearance my butt and hips, too? Thanks so much!
Sincerely,
Too Sexy for Myself
Dear Too Sexy for Myself,
I do know how you may reduce the presentation of your bust, hips and backside because of personal experience (with the bust issue), tips from one of my shapely friends and fashion tips from the “The Tyra Banks Show”
Starting with the bust area, I wear dark colored blazers because it gives you a slimming look. Tyra agreed with wearing dark colors and layering your tops. She gave the same advice to her guests who inquired about the same issue. Another very helpful tip that Tyra gave was to make sure that you are wearing the right bra size – this is key so that your breasts do not look saggy, or so they don’t look too big and as if they are about to explode out of your top.
In regards to the hips, my friend JK has very wide hips and she tones them down by wearing long-legged boot-cut jeans in order to cause her hips to look slimmer. Tyra almost gives the same exact advice on her show: she says that you should wear long-legged A-line jeans because this will slim the appearance of your hips while also causing your legs to look longer and thinner.
To reduce the appearance of the size of your backside, Tyra says to wear long-legged A-line jeans with small pockets because large pockets accentuate the size. My final advice I would give to decrease the appearance of your backside is to buy any fitted pants one size bigger than you usually wear them – this will tone down the look of you bottom because the fabric is not as tight as the usual size you would wear. You may also do this with the size of your shirt so that your bust looks smaller and you can also wear wider skirts, longer jackets and shirts that also hide a full-blown posterior view.
I hope that these tips help to make you feel more comfortable in your clothes. I know what it feels like to be looked at as a show rather a human being. At one point, this attention caused me to accept myself as visual entertainment until I realized that there is more to me than my body and that there are ways that I can deter the looks from drools to respect. God bless you and feel your best with how you dress.
Dear Dea,
My parents absolutely and positively do not like my boyfriend. I love him, and I don’t want to leave him but my parents are really starting to get to me and I don’t have anywhere else to go! What do you think I should do?
Sincerely,
Desperately in Love
Dear Desperately in Love,
The first thing you have to do is calm down. It’s not good to have a conversation when you are upset. You will probably say things that you don’t mean and you won’t be able to think straight. I would suggest, if you haven’t already, to talk to your parents and ask them why they do not like your boyfriend and demand that they tell you the truth. They may have a good reason for their feelings but they are going about it the wrong way by causing you to go through anxiety. Your parents need to realize that you make the final decision about whether the relationship stays afloat, and if they want you to make a wise and mature decision, then they have to be honest with you. In order for this to happen and to be effective, you have to be open to what they have to say and listen to what they have to say whether you agree with it or not. This does not mean that you have to agree with them.
You should also consider evaluating your relationship and looking past your feelings to see what your parents may be concerned about. If you do not discover anything you need to be concerned about then talk to your boyfriend and see how he feels about the situation. This must be very uncomfortable for him, so talk to him to see how he wants to handle the situation or so that you both can work out a way to work with your parents on a solution of how you all can get along. It is just a lot of hassle to sneak around behind your parents’ backs, and it is important for all of you to be as honest as you can for the sake of your sanity and your parents. Plus, when you’re honest, your parents are more likely to get off of your back and give you more freedom. They will see your dedication and let you and your boyfriend make the final choices about the relationship.
For the sake of you and your parents, I hope that you are making the right decision by staying with this guy. I urge you to evaluate your relationship with this man and to observe and to judge the things you uncover without bias. Think about what your goals are and what his goals are. Do you both care about the same things? Do you guys support or discourage one another? Do you waste each other’s time doing nothing or do you guys go out and have fun or do something constructive when you’re together? Do you both want the same things for the future? Do you two want a future together? How do his parents feel? Think about things that are important to a relationship and compare your values and see if they will strengthen or degrade your relationship.
All of this may seem like it is hard and that it’s a waste of time, but believe me, I’ve been there, and unfortunately, my parents were right about the boyfriends they didn’t agree with but I had to let them go myself, and my parents realized that after a while and gave me room to make my own decisions. Don’t worry: this does not mean that parents will be right all the time. You need to know what characteristics you need and want from your partner that will help you to succeed and to prosper in life. People think that relationships and marriages are all about having fun, but when the fun is over, what is left to hold the relationship together? Nothing is fun all the time but there is always something else involved that holds your attention. When we realize that life is about more than wasting time and acting juvenile, and that its mostly about love, growth and faithfulness, then we will have longer lasting relationships. We must start living our lives in a preventive manner where we see the root of our relationship flaws early and nip them in the bud and grow stronger in the hopes of a better future with the same or a different partner.
Get to know who you truly are and how you strive to be and see if he is capable of helping you to attain that. The word “partner” is self-explanatory; it means that the person is a part of you, and if you do not know yourself, how do you expect to know a “partner”? Be true to yourself and spend some time alone and just think. Breathe. Doing this will make you a better person and better suited to choose a true partner.
Make sure that your boyfriend-your partner- has his own goals and that he’s not trying to live off of yours because it is always healthier and more constructive when you both are ambitious. This way, you are not pulling any dead weight that can hinder the purposed goals that you are striving to attain. This principle is key for any relationship whether it is boyfriend/girlfriend, familial,or a friendship.
I hope that I have helped you with this dilemma and that everything works in your favor in a positive way. The best decision may not be the one you want to make or the solution that others would want you to follow, but when you make a righteous sacrifice it always works out for the best in the end. I just hope that you know that you cannot please everyone and that someone will be upset with the outcome of this situation. Please be fully aware of that and be ready to deal with it whether it is for a short or long period of time and whether the wounded soul is you, your boyfriend or y
our parents. Please be strong and handle the situation as peaceably as possible. God bless you and choose your battles wisely.