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Quak: Rammy 2020: local mascot goes presidential

Rammy, West Chester University’s official mascot, will join sixteen other candidates vying for the democratic nomination.

“Costumed mascots are a completely unrecognized and underrepresented area of the US electorate,” Rammy declared through fist pumps, claps and belly jiggles at his campaign announcement.

Rammy will run on a platform protecting national grasslands, expanded rights for halftime dances, and regulating the t-shirt gun industry.

Rammy said his political ambitions were inspired by Smokey the Bear’s years of public service and the San Diego Chicken’s informal role as campaign advisor to Ronald Reagan.

In related news, Gritty, following a recent split with Philly Antifa, has announced an exploratory committee to challenge President Trump in the 2020 Republican primary. “I’m the only orange conservative who represents the working class,” he said in a statement released Sunday.

The Quak is a once-per-year satire section of The Quad.

April O’Beale is a hard-nosed Journalist living with a bunch of copyrighted reptilian freaks of nature with a pizza addiction. She can be found on your TV every saturday morning.

This article is a part of “The Quak,” our annual April Fool’s satire issue.

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