2813- Jamie
I recently attended a party at the invitation of a human I befriended from one of my Ecology courses, Clark. I initially turned down the offer. I was unable to reconcile the concept of parties with my mission. They seemed to have more to do with interpersonal communication than scientific exploration. But he made an offer that elicited my interest.
“Come on, man, I’ll cover you for the beer.” He patted my shoulder momentarily in some gesture of comradery.
“You will cover me for the beer?” I asked, confused by most of the elements of the claim.
“Oh, yeah, you’re a freshman. Five bucks for a solo cup you fill from the keg. I gotchu, though. I know I’m gonna need one after the test Friday.”
I was intrigued by the idea of needing a beer. I wasn’t entirely sure what one was, but I speculated that it had some benefit, possibly offsetting fatigue or stress due to the circumstances of Clark needing one. It instantly interested me to see how humans use consumable substances to improve their quality of life.
Before the party, I consulted 9936 about the proper protocol for such an event. She advised that I attend in order to observe the consumption and effects of this beer, but alerted me that I am prohibited from drinking it under local ordinance.
I was actually surprised to learn that local meant the country, rather than Earth, but I understood the importance of obeying their age restriction. She noted that, should I come back for further study, I should adopt a cover age of at least twenty-one and, at the very least, “Try not to look 16,” to avoid such restrictions.
“Sure you don’t want a cup?” Clark asked shortly after we arrived at the party.
“It’s illegal due to my age, apparently.”
“Your loss, Boy Scout.”
“What’s a boy-scout?”
As I asked the question, a man without a shirt stumbled into me, causing me to need to regain my balance. He slurred an apology before using a series of strategic falls to go into a different room of the house.
“Well, he drank too much,” Clark said.
“Drank too much what?”
“Looks like jungle juice. Maybe beer.”
“Beer does that?” I asked, reevaluating my hypothesis on what its effects must be.
“Duh,” he said, which appears to be a human expression for “Obviously” or “Of course.”
“I thought you said you need it.”
“I do, but only to like a step back from that guy. Just messed up enough, but not too far gone.”
The man certainly seemed to be “messed up” to some degree, but what surprised me was that that was the ultimate goal. I couldn’t understand why Clark or any other human would seek some form of impairment to their speech processes and motor functions. I wondered what other detriment was caused by the beer and whatever “Jungle Juice” was. I considered inquiring, but didn’t want to seem too unfamiliar with the situation.
“Clarkie!” I turned to find another human from our class, Roy, approaching us holding a small, paper tube between his fingers. “I need a smoke, man. You got a light?” He acknowledged me with a nonverbal greeting.
“Absolutely, man. You want one, Jamie?”
I considered how the expression of need had led me astray, but I was far too curious to deny the offer completely.
“How old do you have to be to smoke locally?” They both looked at me with an expression of confusion.
“You from Jersey?” Roy asked. I did not answer because I wasn’t sure if Jersey was between forty-five minutes and an hour away as I previously decided for my cover home.
“It’s eighteen here, man,” Clark offered.
“Then it is well within the law for me to do so.”
“That’s what I like to hear, Boy Scout.”
I need to look up that term. We started to walk back outside. I assumed smoking is an outdoors practice.
“Hey, your eyes,” a girl exclaimed, stopping me as Roy and Clark continued onward. “They’re just like Danny’s from my Lit Class.”
“I don’t know a Dah-nee,” I wasn’t sure if the name was male or female coded, but I also wasn’t sure of the human names for the others in my research group.
“Well—he said people tend to call him Daniel.” Daniel is male coded, so it had to be 7859.
“Would you like to go smoke?” I had a slight desire to hear about how 7859 was, as well as rejoin my human friends.
“No thank you. I’m a bit of a health-nut.”
“Smoking goes against health? Then what is the benefit of it?”
“What? I thought you just said you smoke?”
I politely excused myself from her and left the party. It struck me as an oddity that both of the substances expressed as “needs” were, in fact, some form of detriment to the human body. It was even worse that they seemed to know this and chose to consume them in spite of their well-being.
I am not yet certain of how to react to the information I gathered by going to the party. I just know that the humans seem to override the concept of self-preservation in favor of these items.
What else do they do that is a danger to them?
Why would they harm themselves in these ways?
What conclusions can be drawn from this habit?
And what course of action should I take regarding my work in light of this discovery?
Alexander McMenamin is a fourth-year student majoring in English writing. He can be reached at AM787850@wcupa.edu. Conor Killmurray is a second-year student. He can be reached at CK838793@wcupa.edu.