Mon. May 16th, 2022

This week in Hollywood, the rumors are flying faster than M.C. Hammer went bankrupt. Is it sick that people love prying into the lives of celebrities to feel a sense of excitement that they would possibly never find in their own lives? Probably, but itʼs so hard to walk out of the grocery store when they put those addicting, disgusting yet beautiful, juicy gossip magazines right in front of your face. They taunt me, I buy them, and now Iʼm reporting to the public what Iʼve found, and man is it good. We all know about this Brad Pitt Jennifer Aniston separation, but are they really over? They are definitely divorcing according to Star magazine, but who knows since they get their information from “unknown” and, most likely, what I like to call “made up” sources. Whatever the status of the marriage, theyʼre split up and so are their life-size wax figurines at Madame Tussaudʼs museum in London.

When there is a break-up, there has to be a break through, and this weekʼs break through couple is “The Surreal Lifeʼs” Adrianne Curry and Chris Knight. As if Flava Flav and Brigitte Nielsen werenʼt insane enough, we have “Americaʼs Top Model” dating the original Peter Brady. VH1ʼs main goal of “The Surreal Life” is to find the most outlandish group of people and make sure the two most unlikely cast members fall for each other. Whoʼs next, Chyna and Mini Me?

Another scandal in celebrityville is the Paris Hilton Sidekick hacker. Someone with some sweet skills cracked the heiressʼs password to reveal over 500 celebrity phone numbers and e-mail addresses on the Internet. This person must have been a genius to guess that Parisʼ password would be “Tinkerbelle.” What a completely shocking surprise!

In other news, Christina Aguilera and Nicole Richie both got engaged to their long-term beaus, Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi are wearing matching engagement rings from Tiffanyʼs, though they do not plan on walking down the aisle, and Jesse McCartney thinks itʼs easy for guys to find a “hot girl,” but itʼs hard to find “someone cool.” Really, Jesse, thatʼs how it is? Please, continue to enlighten us with your wisdom.

With star gossip like this, who needs a life of their own? Well, everyone. Itʼs just fun to look into someone elseʼs imperfect life when youʼre sad about your own.

Gee, I wish I could date a Brady and have someone hack into my nonexistent Sidekick. Maybe my password will be, “I need a new hobby.” Oh, and for the record, Lindsay Lohan never got a breast enhancement, and Marcia Cross is straight.

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