To the editor:My sincerest congratulations to President Bush on his successful re-election to office. His was a tremendous uphill battle against unbelievable odds, but he prevailed; and he deserves any and all accolades that may be placed upon him. I feel sure that he will thank those who helped him achieve his goal, but I’m deeply concerned that he may leave some individuals out. For this reason, I am taking the liberty of thanking a number of people who, in my opinion, were highly instrumental in bringing about his unprecedented success and whose contributions should not be overlooked.
First of all, I’d like to collectively thank all of the Democratic politicians, pundits, and talking heads for initiating their relentless attacks on the President during a time of war, thereby demonstrating to all of America that the Democrats’ first loyalty lies with their party, not with their country.
Next, I’d like to thank the likes of Susan Sarandon, Tim Robbins, Whoopi Goldberg, George Clooney, and the rest of the Hollywood elite who are too numerous to mention, for their overwhelming exhibitions of anti-patriotism which helped tremendously to anger loyal Americans and bring them to the polls in great numbers.
I’d like to thank Michael Moore for just being his obnoxious self. He alone probably energized more conservatives to vote than did any other individual or group.
I’d also like to thank Bill Clinton, “America’s favorite Democrat,” who, for the second election in a row, helped his party lose a race for the Presidency. Go Bill!
I’d like to thank Rap mogul, P. Diddy Combs, for his ridiculous “Vote or Die” campaign which went way over-the-top and energized no one.
I’d like to thank the Democratic vice presidential candidate, John Edwards, for his relentless and exhaustive effort to divide the country into two Americas.
I’d like to thank Osama bin Laden for his last-minute TV appearance which served to remind Americans that it was he, not President Bush, who started the war.
I’d especially like to thank CBS News Anchor Dan Rather for his immense contribution towards exposing liberal media bias.
I’d like to thank the gay rights movement for their terrific effort in getting out the Christian evangelical and American traditionalist vote.
Last, but not least, I’d like to thank the Democratic presidential candidate himself, John Kerry. (He served in Vietnam, you know), for showing Americans how you can be both for and against anything and everything all of the time as long as you say whatever anyone wants to hear whenever they want to hear it.
Yes, these people have done more to rile up loyal Americans and supporters of the President and get them to the polls than any campaign could hope to have accomplished. I suggest that in the next election Republicans could save millions of dollars by just sitting back and letting their detractors once again perform their magic.