Fri. Jun 24th, 2022

New Year’s Eve. If you are anything like me, you are thinking that sitting around watching “The Twilight Zone” is not the way you want to be ringing in the next 365 days…again. So, without further adieu, I present to you a list of activities that might bring you joy on Dec. 31, and if they don’t bring you joy, then at least your evening will be interesting. Travel – If it’s excitement and adventure that you crave, get your friends together and go drop in on Dick Clark’s “New Year’s Rockin’ Eve” to party with hundreds of your new best pals! If that’s not your style, try out comedy clubs and concerts, but mainly just be determined to experience everything on your journey, take lots of confetti with you, and never drink and drive.Stay Home – If there is nowhere to go for the holiday other than your own backyard, you’re just going to have to dry your eyes and make the best of it. Tell one another’s fortunes for the upcoming year and conjure up the ghost of New Year’s Eve on the Ouija board. Go out on the front lawn and bang pots and pans together, making as much noise as possible. Run around the neighborhood naked.

Fireworks are always popular, so take out the leftover sparklers from Independence Day and attach them to inanimate objects such as Pez dispensers and Barbie dolls to let the pyrotechnics work their magic. Heck, pretend it’s a different holiday all together and go trick-or-treating! Party – If you throw a party, you should insist on a definite theme. Pretend you are celebrating a different year, such as 3005, and have everyone come dressed wearing bubble wrap, aluminum foil, and any other futuristic material.

Other ideas include cooking dinner for your friends, exchanging kitschy New Year’s Eve presents, playing marathon Clue games, and writing resolutions before setting fire to them with your Bic lighter. As a side note, I will remind you that “key parties” are never a good idea, unless you are deliberately out to wreak havoc and make your friends miserable.

Pucker Up – Society demands you kiss someone when the ball drops. If you have no one, try not to shed a few tears…at least not before giving a valiant shot at hunting down your beloved New Year’s smooch! Put on some lipstick and walk around town or the city, asking people if they would like to taste your lipstick flavor. Advertise your “Kissless” status by writing “KISS ME” on your T-shirt. If worse comes to worse, you always have your friends to rely on, or Meow Meow the Cat.

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