Mon. Dec 5th, 2022

Don’t be surprised if you are given the “we should just be friends” speech after dragging your significant other to see “Date Movie.” The spoof comedy, advertised as being written by two of the six writers of “Scary Movie,” will leave you disappointed and wondering if the four lost writers could have made the pathetic parody bearable. “Date Movie” begins with a spoof on “My Big Fat Greek Wedding” as Julia Jones (Alyson Hannigan), daughter of a Greek/Japanese/Indian family, searches for a husband.

The 350-pound Julia goes to date doctor Hitch (from the movie “Hitch”) for assistance in love and is given a makeover by West Coast Customs. She enters a relationship with English-accented Grant (Adam Campbell) when he gives her a rose on “The Bachelor.” The couple is then engaged “Sweet Home Alabama”-style.

After making it through a “Meet the Parents” disaster, a “Mr. and Mrs. Smith” therapy session, a “Wedding Planner” meeting and “What Women Want” dilemma, the couple is almost broken up by Grant’s seductive ex-girlfriend.

The movie then takes on a “My Best Friend’s Wedding” plot and concludes with Grant professing he is “a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her” a la “Notting Hill.”

Julia’s fears of marrying a “Napoleon Dynamite” diminish, and the two ride a white horse-drawn carriage into the sunset – a predictable ending to a movie that thrives on the romantic comedy cliche.

Don’t let the potential for humor fool you. Date Movie was completely unfunny in its attempt to satirize more than 20 romantic comedies, several celebrities and shows like “Pimp My Ride” and “The Bachelor.”

Rather than resembling any sort of a plot, the movie takes form in a series of uncreative skits. Skipping from one satire to the next in an attempt to include as many chick flicks as possible, “Date Movie” becomes a jumbled 80-minute mess.

The real problem seems to lie in the movies it tries to spoof. Every single movie referenced was 10 times funnier than “Date Movie.” Attempting to make comedic milestones such as the cat milking scene in “Meet the Parents” or the “you call that dancing” scene in “Hitch” more amusing is simply unachievable.

Cheap, unoriginal stabs are made at Paris Hilton’s hamburger commercial, Britney Spears’ marriage, Michael Jackson’s reputation and Jennifer Lopez’s physical appearance. Honestly, are we still expected to find humor in references to Tara Reid’s “party girl” image?

In addition to its lack of a plot, the movie was hard to stomach at times. Scenes with a fat-suited Hannigan dancing to Kelis’ “Milkshake” and the over-exaggerated “Along Came Polly” sweaty basketball scene left me covering my eyes.

I will confess that I did mildly enjoy the game found in spotting allusions to romantic comedies. While some were blatantly obviously, others were cleverly hidden. Chances are you will leave the theater rather ashamed of your in-depth knowledge when it comes to chick flicks and pop culture. After seeing what I considered to be laugh-out-loud clips in the two-minute “Date Movie” trailer, I was wildly disheartened by the lack of humor in the remaining 78 minutes of the movie. If I were writing an article on “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days,” No. 1 on my list would be: Go see “Date Movie.

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